Little Red Riding Hood: Wolf

A wolf and little red riding hood
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“My rights got violated not once but twice,” sputters a wolf his eyes ablaze.

“My rights got violated not one but twice. You have to help me get these bastards!

“Sir I would like to help you, but I need you to get your emotions under better control first, please take some deep breaths then start again.”

Several breaths later the wolf begins again while the lawyer listens intently.

“A normal animal expects a fairy tale made for television is an easy ordeal physically. Not the ones I took part in, not true I got used like some poor…,” the wolf chokes up and takes a few moments to collect himself before resuming.

In the first production I did the actor playing the woodsman nearly kills me swinging his so-called fake ax!  It turns out the thing was the real deal.   It took months of surgery to reconstruct my face, my snout, lips, teeth etc.  Not to mention months of painful recovery.  And this is not the worst part of the experience, the studio did not pay nearly enough of what it cost to cover my surgery and other medical care.

Two years later I receive a call about a second production of “Little Red Riding Hood.” The ending for this one is the wolf wakes up with a belly full of stones. In reality I am wearing a partial body suit filled with pellets.  Only during filming the actor playing the woodsman knocks me out for real and I lose consciousness. When I awoke not a soul is present on the set.   I couldn’t believe it! I thought this is not right so I go to get up to look around when terrible stomach pains hit. I grabbed my stomach and feel something hard, caused me to scream my head off.

I didn’t stop until a janitor races into the room, concern all over his face and asks me what wrong.  I tell him and he is in disbelief until he gingerly touches my stomach for himself. The poor chap nearly threw up  but he somehow kept his cookies, got out his cell phone and called 911.  Much later at the hospital and several x-rays later, a doctor tells me stones fill my stomach, I need surgery stat!

Now,listen you are the best there is, and I know this case is strong. These two studios deserve to go bankrupt, would you say a hundred, two hundred million, would do it?

Little Red Riding Hood: Wolf